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12 September 2008

Convoluted with a Capital GG

As my internet situation for the next couple of weeks remains uncertain (I remain hopeful that the Apostrophe cafe (small chain of nice-ish sandwich shops) just around the corner from the new flat does indeed have free wifi or that the local library will let me use their intertubes), I don't know when I'll next be able to watch Gossip Girl, let alone comment on it, but by god is it convoluted.

Season 1:
- B and N went out for a long time but broke up when B found out that N slept with her best friend, S, who conveniently returns to Manhattan from boarding school at the start of season 1.
- B subsequently went through a Cruel Intentions-esque relationship with C, though assorted obstacles get in their way--their own tendency for self-preservation and perverse addiction to manipulation, mainly.
- S is the popular, beautiful, rich girl but spends most of the season going out with D, who is a) not cool and b) so poor that his former rock star dad can only afford a huge, funky loft in DUMBO and not on the UES--oh noes!
- D's childhood friend V plays the role of third wheel in D and S's relationship.
- In the season one finale, S's (thrice-divorced) mom marries C's dad; B and C are going to jet off to Tuscany together for the summer but after his father praises his maturity, C instead stands B up at the helipad to flirt with the interior designer, instead. Also, S and D break up because of assorted tardery from Darth G, S's former best friend turned worst enemy.

Season 2 (two episodes in!)...
- Everyone is in the Hamptons (which is what one does in the summer if one is a Manahattanite worth knowing).
- S and N (who, remember!, have a history) are pretending to be dating so that she can mope over D without people getting on her case and he can have an affair with a much older married woman (who is also called C, but I'll call her OMW to avoid confusion; she is also played by Madchen Amick, who was once Dawson's film teacher--typecasting?).
- B and C each try to out-I-didn't-miss-you the other. C has a threesome of Portuguese babes oiling him up on the beach, B arrives back in town with some dude who it is eventually revealed is called M (Lord M, in fact).
- Now, it's time to go back to the city. B wants to meet M's stepmother--the duchess--as B is sure she will impress the wicked stepmother (whose stepson she only started liking--rather than using as a tool to make C jealous--after she found out about his title), but M hesitates a bit.
- Also, N's dad committed some white-collar crimes and then disappeared and N's WASPy mom is now worried about her assets being liquidated; luckily, C sells his burlesque club in aid of N's family and OMW also offers to help (in exchange for saucy romps in the library bar at the Hudson).
- Naturally, OMW actually turns out to be The Duchess and hence M's stepmom; B only finds out after making some rude botox-themed comments about OMW to her face (come on, B, she's 37, not 70!) and it's not looking good for B's future with M, but then luckily B finds OMW and N engaged in the aforementioned saucy romp in the library, somewhat unclothed, and naturally uses this information to ensure that OMW plays nice.
- So, S surmises, B's ex is screwing her current boyfriend's stepmother--Gossip Girl herself voiceovers even further intricacies of this ridiculously entangled plot--why just have people cheating on each other and boyfriend-swapping when they can all be caught up in such a wonderfully complicated, almost incestuous situation?

But it still remains a favourite guilty pleasure, ridiculous as it may be--the beauty is in the self-effacing and tongue-in-cheek way in which the absurdity plays out. I know I love it: XOXO


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